Tag Archives: Life

Positively Positive

Posted in Misguided Musings by

I’m not graceful or light on my feet.  I’m not agile or athletic.  I’m not able to spin or balance elegantly.  I’m lucky I can walk a straight line.  Hell, I’m lucky to be upright, most days.  There is documented proof….unfortunately.    Moving in any direction is awkward to me.  One morning at bootcamp, one exercise involved walking like a duck carrying a kettle bell…that is, squat down as low as possible and walk.   I couldn’t do that. My knees were not cooperating and I don’t think I have enough strength in my quads to pull that shit off.  Oh, I tried, but failed miserably at it. Instead of a duck walk it was more like an old-lady-with-bad-knees-stumble.  (New exercise! ) That’s okay.  I crushed it at the split squats and the deadlift.

There are a lot of things I don’t do well.  There are also a lot of things I do well.  I’m also mediocre at some things and totally suck at others.  I can’t do everything well and I don’t tear myself up about it.  I attempt it, try to get better and move on.  Days are too short to spend wallowing in any self-pity or self-deprecating shit.  I have decided to kick the habit of putting myself down, and get in the habit of lifting myself up.

We all have those days where shit happens and whatever we seem to do, it just invariably goes wrong.  We try to avoid running out of gas, but life gets in the way and we forget.  We try to get to that deadline, but so many people needed us to do a million other things so that deadline came and went like yesterday’s lunch.  Did we forget to eat that, too?

As women, we tend to think about everybody else instead of us.  We put a million others and their needs in front of our own.  It’s instinct.  We are nurturers and we just put ourselves into the line of fire every fucking time.  Ugh.  We can’t help it.  That’s how awesome we are.

Phoebe and Rachel running

It’s all about attitude…

Social media is a cesspool of body-shaming, name-calling anti-everything kind of shit-show that just needs a little bit of uplifting positivity now and then.  We tend to take some things to heart, but we have to learn to ignore the bad and dwell on the good.   When I see my FB feed and its inundated with negative crap about Trump and Hillary, or the latest celebrity divorce or how we NEED to be something other than who or what we are, I tend to retaliate with cute animal baby pics.  It’s my go-to kind of cuteness that overrides any possible negative put-down one can throw.  How can anybody hate a cute animal baby?!

bunny

There are ways to combat the ugly negatives and I suggest banning together and lifting each other up.  Be a cheerleader.  Be a motivator of wonderfulness…so awesome in the positive, that you repel the dark side and naturally attract light to you like moths to a flame, like metal to a magnet, like fingerprints to every damned wall in my house.  (Ugh)

We get beaten down enough.  Let’s lift each other up.  Smile and be positive.  Tell somebody she is awesome today…you may make someone’s day, week or year.  You don’t know everybody’s story.  Give them a smile and something to keep in their mind for the day, so when somebody tries to tear them down, they can go back to that smile or that positive remark and dwell on that for a while.  It helps.  Believe me.  Even the smallest of remarks can make a difference.  One night, I was returning to my house after a bit o’wine with friends. A neighbour happened to spot me on my way and commented on my new car.  I said I was now ‘cool’.  He said ‘You’ve always been cool.  Don’t sell yourself short’.  THAT was a small itty bitty remark that I keep.  It made me smile.  I also thought maybe he was a bit drunk, but take a compliment when one comes along!  AND, it was valuable advice.  Too many of us ‘sell ourselves short’.  Stop that.  Somebody around the corner might just think you’re ‘cool’, too.

No matter how off the cuff a remark is, it can be a big do-over for somebody.

Take care, stay positive and say something nice, will ‘ya?

woman worker

 

Fallness IS a Word, I Just Made it Up. Also, My Back Hurts.

Posted in Misguided Musings by

My back is giving me grief today.  Day three of pain.  It started out on Saturday evening and by Sunday night, I was walking like a Zombie looking for his next brain.  Ugh.  I made it to work, but exercising has taken a back seat to attempts at finding a comfy spot.  Sitting is difficult and trying to get in any kind of horizontal position is downright impossible.  I get sympathy looks and offers for pillows.  I also get the dog jumping at me incessantly and the ‘well, since you’re up…’ from kids.  MOM CAN’T SIT DOWN SO LET’S GET HER TO GET EVERYTHING FOR US WHILE SHE’S STILL ABLE TO WALK.  Nice.

Fun Fact: I can sleep upright.  Also, getting your birth units to assist in donning footwear is embarrassing (apparently, more for them) and filled with exclamations of ‘ewww’ and ‘ugh.  I can’t WAIT until you’re OLD.’   Don’t worry about it, kid I’ll just wear my slippers all of the time.  Even out in public.  I CAN’T WAIT UNTIL I’M OLD EITHER  AND I MAKE YOU TAKE ME SHOPPING AND OUT TO RESTAURANTS AND PLACES YOU DON’T WANT TO GO.  IN MY SLIPPERS.  AND JUST FOR FUN I’LL WEAR MY SWEATPANTS, TOO.

So there.

I have a few posts just waiting for the right time to hit the blog, but I seem to have abandoned them for the ‘right time’….what?   Not sure when that will be.  One is very positive and pleading with humanity to get a grip and try to be nice and let’s all just get along…also, I may have been hopped up on muscle relaxants and pain pills at the time.   The other is about my trip to get a tattoo.  It’s a fun-filled romp into ‘WTF I’m Fifty’.  AND ‘NO MUSCLE RELAXANTS IN THAT BIT O’PAIN ALL IN THE NAME OF ART’.  Sure to make one shake her head in ‘WTF is wrong with her’…like I haven’t heard THAT one before.  No judging.

There’s also a great character sketch about a shrunken pirate head.

I know.  NOW, you can’t wait for that one.

Hope you are all enjoying the fallness of the season and are able to tie your shoes unassisted.

It’s the little things, people.

 

fall leaves

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Journey of Self-Discovery

Posted in Misguided Musings by

 

As we get older, I think we realize the person we have become is different than the one we envisioned ten, twenty or even thirty years ago.  We aren’t as rich as we thought or driving that Jag we had hoped.   Our professional aspirations may have hit a few snags along the way and we opted for security instead of enjoyment, or the opposite and opted for enjoyment instead of security.  We didn’t marry that guy or venture to the outreaches of the universe…or join the Peace Corps because the best friend at the time, had the logical explanation of running water was obsolete and showering might be an issue.  Duh.  I kinda knew that…and who wants to bother saving the world anyway, when you have more important things to do like date that guy who says he’s applied to be a Mountie?   Gawd, who wants to date a pre-Mountie?    Well….

Maybe one date.

Whatever it was, the path we may began has somehow veered off into directions that have been surprising or disappointing, depending on your point of view.  Spending valuable time and energy wondering what may have been is a waste and I try to concentrate on the here and now.  Not the yesterdays or the last weeks.  Not the tomorrows or the next weeks or even next years.  Today.  What’s happening today?

My interests have become varied and I’ve often switched creative ventures, balancing the need to be alone with the need to be writing or painting or doing something crafty.  It’s weird.  I was never a crafty person, but I’ve found lately I enjoy the solitude of sanding a chair or refurbishing a dresser.  I like the work with my hands and the dust on the floor.  I like the smell of the paint and the different looks I can make if I mix two colours together.  It makes me feel productive….accomplished? Maybe?  I don’t know.

It’s not something I’ve ever imagined myself doing, but somehow it comes naturally to me.  I look for pieces to redo.  I get complaints from the fam that there is simply no room for another piece of furniture, but I look anyway.  There will always be room…somewhere.

The dreaded “M” word is knocking on my door and a day does not go by without another exclamation of ‘oh, what fresh hell is THIS’ from my lips.  Now, it’s a rash…next week it will be the ever refreshing onslaught of hot flashes, the week after….who knows?  THAT’S WHY WE NEED HOBBIES. AND WINE.

To keep from maiming those around us…

And to keep us sane.  Busy.  Useful.  Needed.

So, on your journey into Self-discovery, don’t dwell too much on the past and concentrate your energy instead on the here and now.  The accomplishments you have achieved, the awesome person you have become and are still becoming.  The people around you who have been influenced and are touched by your presence.

AND, for those of you who are encountering the ‘M’ word, or are about to, remember WHORE…

W- ine

H-obbies

O-ccupied

R-efreshed

E-nergetic

Because without Whore, we would simply be OLD ladies repainting shit.

Ugh…

My mason jars are apparently out of control….

chair

Bestie’s refurbished rocker…I think I need a matching one…

 

It’s 5am

Posted in Misguided Musings by

burpees-2-1024x683

 

It’s 5:00 am – The alarm rings.   I think I just made it to sleep at 3:30.  Surprisingly, I don’t feel tired.  I feel kinda… ready.  Huh.

5:02 – drag myself to the bathroom to change.

5:05- Make lunch for work.  I need coffee.  Kiss the dog.  Kiss Hubby.  Where’s the damned coffee?

5:20 – text Frankie to say ‘I can drive’.  Make coffee.

5:28am – after waiting for a response, realize I texted the daughter instead.  Oops. I send her a smiley face with a ‘mornin’ sunshine’ text.  That makes everything better at 5am.     Text the right Frankie.  Drain the last of my coffee.  I love coffee.

5:36 – Pick up Frankie.  It’s dark and mild and the pavement is shiny and black from the midnight rain.  Quiet and still.  We drive in relative silence.  Thinking is too much right now.

5:40- Bright light.  Cool air blowing from the AC.  Waiting in the studio for everyone to show.  It’s quiet.  It’s too early for conversation.

5:45 – It’s loud.   Music is blaring.  We start moving.  My legs are stiff and sore.  I do it anyways.

Sometime mid-workout – I watch the sweat drip from my face onto the studio floor and wonder if I am going to make it.  TRX mountain climbers.  Fuck you. Don’t stop.  Keep going.

Nearing the end – Burpees.  Shoulder presses.  I’m burning.  Lunges.  Did I take 2 different weights?  Ugh.  I’m better for choosing the heavier weights.  Always go for the heavier weights.

The end –   I think I cried a little when I finally worked my way through the last station and could fling myself onto my back for the cooldown.  I’m better for having finished the workout.

Cool down –I’m better for having listened to my alarm. I’m better for showing up.   I’m better for doing one last burpee. I’m better for not giving up.  I’m just better.  Better than a year ago.  Better than 6 months ago, better than last week.  Better than yesterday.  And I’ll be better tomorrow and better a few more times by Friday.    *sigh*

Always think, ‘I am better’…

 

 

 

The Abyss of Indifference

Posted in Uncategorized by

The Brock Turner case has me gutted.  The awful story of the Stanford swimmer who sexually assaulted a young unconscious woman and left her behind a dumpster.  The guy who was reportedly so great, that they posted his swimming times to get you on board with their horribly flawed thinking that ‘he’s an athlete, so he’s awesome and this was a mistake’.  A MISTAKE.  An OOPS.   Thinking an elephant can do ballet in a pink tutu is a MISTAKE.   He raped an unconscious college student. SO MUCH MORE THAN A MISTAKE.   Could have been my daughter.  Or your daughter. She is somebody’s daughter. Amidst the online outrage and social media comments, it’s devastating to think this happened at all.  Heartbreaking for the victim, devastating to think this young man feels that he has a defense and moreover, actually justified in what he did.  And so does his father!  And apparently the male judge.   There is no defense for rape.  It is immoral, illegal, horrendous and WRONG. ALL KINDS OF WRONG.  I read his statement to the judge.  He was sorry for drinking.  He was sorry ‘this happened’.  He was sorry he got caught up in the ‘party culture’.  Never once did he deny he raped the woman.  Never once did he say he was sorry for a total disregard for her well-being, her health, or her safety by dragging her behind a dumpster and assaulting her!!  Never once did he even acknowledge his responsibility.  Everybody else was having sex so he thought he should too?!  Willing or unwilling partner, conscious or unconscious it was all the same.   It was the drinking that made him do it??!! IT WAS A MISTAKE.

There were many injustices with this case, not just the appalling lack of jail time of a mere 6 months which was a slap in the face of victims everywhere, but also the abhorrent disregard for the victim here.  The total lack of empathy for her as a human being was horrifying to me.

I see the tweets from women who are angry and news outlets are running around looking for legal experts who are frothing at the mouth just waiting for their chance to trash the judge who thought it was too hard for the boy who is a great swimmer to spend more time in jail than six months.  And the father who said his son shouldn’t have to pay a huge price for “20minutes of action.”  ACTION??!!!!  WRONG ANSWER. WRONG.  What happened to people?  Has humanity taken a giant leap into the abyss of indifference that we blindly allow our kids to do whatever it is they want without consequence?  Without conscience?  With total disregard for someone else?  Really?

I’m looking at the parents here.  What makes a young man think that it’s okay to sexually assault, physically assault, verbally assault ANYONE, let alone a woman without regard to her as a person?  SHE IS A PERSON.  A HUMAN BEING.  How did he not see that?

THAT IS A BIG PROBLEM.

He did not see her as a human with feelings or thoughts or intelligence.  She was an object to him.  Something he could use at his discretion and toss aside.  Willing or not.  Conscious or not.   There is something wrong when a young man possesses such a level of omnipotence and entitlement to make him believe that anything about this was okay; that it was okay to drag a young unconscious woman to a secluded place behind a dumpster to have sex with her whether she knew it or not.  Consented or not.  Aware or not!   Or maybe he had a hunch that it was wrong, hence the move behind the dumpster thing, but hey, nobody will find out so who cares?  If that was his thinking, then that’s even more disturbing.

Respect for people who include women, children, men, grandparents, was that ever given a thought?  Community obligations?  School?  Friends?  We have to find out what went wrong that made this seem like an okay evening activity for this kid. Where did he get the idea that this was fine?  Acceptable behaviour?  And then not take responsibility for anything.  She was drunk.  I was drunk.  It was a party.  What?!  Young adults and teens have to be made to take responsibility for their shit.  I’m not just talking about school, although that’s a good start.  Be responsible for their friends, for their jobs for their community for their parents’ feelings.  People have feelings, as basic a notion as that is, it’s hard for some kids to even see their parents as people.  The parents.  They tell us what to do.  Tell us where we should be, how to behave, who to hang out with, to clean our room, to be nice to the neighbour’s cat…they also laugh, cry and hurt, feel pain.  Human stuff.   Fact.  Parents are people.  People have feelings.  So do girls and boys and men and grandpas and grandmas and that young drunk woman over there who is unconscious lying behind the dumpster!!   Remember the feelings board?  This is Kindergarten stuff.

Maybe if that comes first, then this wouldn’t happen as often.

Not that it will never happen again, there are bad things that happen to good people all of the time.  That’s life.  But better parents make better children and those children grow up to be better adults and better adults make better parents and better parents make better children; in the basic cyclical sense, this is how it is supposed to be.   AND, by ‘better’ I mean respectful, responsible, kind, empathetic, intelligent…

I posted the video below because it was awesome in its simplicity and its message.  Consent.  So in line with respect.

It really isn’t that hard.  Share it, breathe it, live it.

There are heroes to this story who should be applauded.  Not just for stepping in and helping a victim of a heinous crime, but for not even thinking about NOT helping.  There was no thought, only selfless action on their part.  THEIR 20MINUTES OF ACTION DESERVE MORE ATTENTION, APPLAUSE AND PRAISE.

Carl Arndt and  Peter Jonsson ,both from Sweden