What’s With All the Sloths?

Friday I had a day to myself to paint a couple of rooms in my house (okay, one but it was the entry way AND the closet, so essentially that is two AREAS…AKA ROOMS.  Stop judging. )  During that quiet one-on-one time with ma walls, I had some interesting thoughts ranging from the noisy neighbours outside, to Jesus.  Which then led me to the seven deadly sins… what exactly are the seven deadly sins, anyway?  And are they really THAT deadly?   Just to scare you a little, here is just a snippet of the conversation in my head.

Oh, Jesus jealous much?

Jesus can’t be jealous.  Isn’t that one of the seven deadly sins?  You know like gluttony, greed, slothiness…slothness?  Hmm…slutty sloth or slothy slut?  Something like that?  Can sloths really be sluts?  ‘cause they have to actually move and stuff.  That may take a full day of energy.  All the other female sloths would be like, “Look at her she’s such a slut.  She slept with one sloth in like one week.  Tramp” Seriously, it would be a week’s worth of work for them.  They’re so…slothy.  That’s my new word.  Slothy.

And I think it would be virtually impossible for a slut to be slothy…being a slut is an active pursuit, I imagine.  So one would be busy.  Slothy implies slow and lazy, so…that won’t work.

Hey, kid stop being so slothy. Speed it up!

That old man is driving so slothy.  I can’t even handle it!

Snail mail is slothy.

So is dial-up internet.

And Heinz ketchup.

And sloths.

Of course an argument could be made that the word ‘slow’ is just as appropriate, but slothy has a better ring to it.  Plus, I made it up so…I win.

And really, sloths are kinda cute in a fuzzy-claws-of-death kind of way.

’m gonna woo you with my slothiness….and claws. And I’m not the tramp that one over there is.  Stop judging, okay?

I’m gonna woo you with my slothiness….and claws. And I’m not the tramp that one over there is.  Stop judging, okay?

Obviously, painting frees up some creative thoughts about sloths and Jesus.  Next time, maybe I can ponder stop signs… they really should be titled ‘slow the fuck down’ signs.

I still have more rooms to paint.  So much to think about….

Fall With a Side of Jesus Toast

Fall seems to have arrived with a little trepidation around these parts. After a ghastly August by all accounts…we were away during August, but the reports were not good…September has been kinda-okay. And I say that while inhaling slowly and crossing my fingers that the rain that is currently beating down the windows will only last for today and give way to sunny skies and mild temps once again. That has been the norm this month….

fall leaves
So, that ends the weather portion of this blog post. In other news, I haven’t died.
Or fallen off Signal Hill.
Or been recruited to solicit Jesus pamphlets door-to-door…although, that does sound like a hoot, doesn’t it?
Because I wouldn’t be able to pander Jesus pamphlets with a straight face and without being a tad sarcastic….”No, really lady you need to know about Jesus. I have this plastic Jesus mold right here that can be used to make toast in Jesus’ likeness, so every morning you can make Jesus toast and feel like you’ve truly had a Blessed Breakfast”… “or Holy Bread” ….JESUS EGGS!!! OMG that would be great. Jesus eggs…the ultimate in Sacred Omelets….why hasn’t any breakfast chains like IHop picked up on this yet?
Come in for Sunday brunch and have Jesus Toast and Holy Eggs cooked the way He would like…sunny side up, but hold the pork products.
Forget the Last Supper, how about the Blessed Breakfast?
Bountiful Brunch?
Sorry, I’ll stop now.
This has been a wonderful distraction. I’ll get back to doing whatever it was I was doing before the whole Jesus thing began.
I’m glad we had this talk.

It's Jesus!  In toast!  Brilliant.

It’s Jesus! In toast! Brilliant.

The Positives of Positivity

I wanted to write another Top Ten, but since I couldn’t come up with anything original or interesting for you folks, you’re stuck with whatever pops into ma head next. Soooo….summer is over.

How’s that for positivity?

The fall winds have begun to blow and there goes summer, gone in a puff. What happened? Summer is so brief around here, we have to relish every second. And for the most part, we did. There were barbeques, regattas, birthdays, hot days (rare, but July was one of the hottest here…yay for me!), reading, swearing, drinking which led to more swearing, and finally vacay…2.0. It was awesome and we are all still friends, which is a tribute to great friendships but even better to rum. Yeah.

The dog survived her two and half weeks away from us, the house stood without spontaneously combusting, the cars remained intact and we are all still in one piece…no bumps, no scars but a little bruised…still not sure what that was from.

The girls are back to university, the kid is in his first year of high school (Gawd, I’m old) and I am still here.
Another year ahead of hockey, (ugh) part-time jobs, weekends with the ‘hood, working, writing and hubby complaining…because I think that’s his favorite hobby.

I think New Year’s resolutions should be made in the fall, that way we can make them while we are still in a good mood from the summer. Everything is still bright and shiny like the new pencils we bought for school and our new running shoes we got for gym.

I have some plans and I hope they get to see the light of day. In the meantime, let’s stay positive and keep on going.

I told a student today, baby steps baby. Think of last year and all the great strides you’ve made to get right here where you are today. A simple thing like walking into a building can be the biggest accomplishment you have…so take that and run with it. Doesn’t matter how big or small it is to anyone else…it only matters how big it is to you.

So, what have you accomplished this year?

Me…I’ve decided to become more inspiring…more motivational and positive. Turn stuff around so it looks better from the other side. Sometimes, all it takes is a different perspective.

So, have a great week peeps! And stay positive.

Remember…You. Are. Awesome.

Barney awesome

 

Bringing The Awesome From The Past

Hi. How are you? I’m not sure where to begin. I shall inundate you with shit that has no bearing on your life whatsoever, just because it pleases me. How’s that for a beginning? Yeah. I now speak like I was just crowned queen and sit on a thrown made of gold and velvet…or velveeta… which would obviously be more awesome. Who doesn’t love a throne made of cheese?!
The temperature in my office remains a chilly -25 degrees whilst outside the warm summer air is billowing the trees…I so want to be outside. I wear a coat INSIDE and take it off when I get out into the sunshine, instead of the other way around…I think that’s odd…especially since we seldom have sunshine and warmth simultaneously. I’m reveling in the irony.
Recently, my family had a reunion in my hometown and now the old black and white photos of yester year are popping up all over FB. I love it, not only because I get to see my mom and her sibs in their natural habitat when they were young and carefree, but because it also gives everybody a connection. Most of the pictures I have never seen, especially ones involving my Aunt Edie. She was an entity only in my mind. My mother would often say when I was younger, how much I reminded her of my Aunt who had died long ago, but I never knew why. I don’t know the circumstances of her death and I don’t know why I reminded my mother of my Aunt. I may never know, but it’s nice to see an actual face to the name. Maybe it was the way I twisted my hair when I was bored, or the expression on my face when somebody teased me about my freckles or how I continually get lost in unfamiliar places…and even familiar ones. It’s nice to know that your family remembers everyone even if they are no longer in their presence…and can retell old stories as if they are reliving a period in time that somehow got a little lost and by telling the stories, they can find them again, if only for a moment or two. It would be nice to make a reunion in the near future so I can hear these stories in person.
In the meantime, keep up with the pics and I’ll see if I can guess who’s who…and whomever Hercules was, I bet he was the one who thought outside the box and did his own thing…you can tell by the mushroom haircut and the goofy glasses. A man before his time. The name alone is awesome…it signifies greatness…Thought I’d throw that in there in case my cousin has another pic or two of that guy and can give me some clue as to how he managed to photo-bomb our family pics. See? Man before his time….

My Grandfather and Great Grandmother with William Hercules...who is awesome and on the right.

My Grandfather and Great Grandmother with William Hercules…who is awesome and on the right.

 

 

I Wish You Could See What I See

 

I wish you could see what I see
The sun coming up over the horizon winking a bright day ahead
The birds flying in peaceful motion, floating along in the breeze
I wish you could see what I see
The helping hand of a neighbor looking for a lost cat
The song of a child dancing alone along the street while no one watches
I wish you could see what I see
The joy from a struggling student gaining a passing grade
The pain from a mother’s face as she buries her son
I wish you could see what I see
The tumultuous struggle of an insecure person
The quiet confidence of an average girl
I wish you could see what I see
The perfection of the imperfect
The absolute in the power it brings
I wish you could see what I see
The acceptance of different
The compassion of understanding
I wish you could see what I see
The beauty of silent observance
The choice to remain indifferent
I wish you could see what I see
The pain of unintended words
The scars those leave behind
I wish you could see what I see
The smile that stayed forever in a memory
The twinkle of the eyes that betrayed hidden feelings of love
I wish you could see what I see
The ocean’s blue waves crashing the shore
The whispered hiss of the spray against the rocks
I wish you could see what I see
The peaceful end only death can bring
The start of a new day that only a life worth living can give.

sunset