Bringing The Awesome From The Past

Hi. How are you? I’m not sure where to begin. I shall inundate you with shit that has no bearing on your life whatsoever, just because it pleases me. How’s that for a beginning? Yeah. I now speak like I was just crowned queen and sit on a thrown made of gold and velvet…or velveeta… which would obviously be more awesome. Who doesn’t love a throne made of cheese?!
The temperature in my office remains a chilly -25 degrees whilst outside the warm summer air is billowing the trees…I so want to be outside. I wear a coat INSIDE and take it off when I get out into the sunshine, instead of the other way around…I think that’s odd…especially since we seldom have sunshine and warmth simultaneously. I’m reveling in the irony.
Recently, my family had a reunion in my hometown and now the old black and white photos of yester year are popping up all over FB. I love it, not only because I get to see my mom and her sibs in their natural habitat when they were young and carefree, but because it also gives everybody a connection. Most of the pictures I have never seen, especially ones involving my Aunt Edie. She was an entity only in my mind. My mother would often say when I was younger, how much I reminded her of my Aunt who had died long ago, but I never knew why. I don’t know the circumstances of her death and I don’t know why I reminded my mother of my Aunt. I may never know, but it’s nice to see an actual face to the name. Maybe it was the way I twisted my hair when I was bored, or the expression on my face when somebody teased me about my freckles or how I continually get lost in unfamiliar places…and even familiar ones. It’s nice to know that your family remembers everyone even if they are no longer in their presence…and can retell old stories as if they are reliving a period in time that somehow got a little lost and by telling the stories, they can find them again, if only for a moment or two. It would be nice to make a reunion in the near future so I can hear these stories in person.
In the meantime, keep up with the pics and I’ll see if I can guess who’s who…and whomever Hercules was, I bet he was the one who thought outside the box and did his own thing…you can tell by the mushroom haircut and the goofy glasses. A man before his time. The name alone is awesome…it signifies greatness…Thought I’d throw that in there in case my cousin has another pic or two of that guy and can give me some clue as to how he managed to photo-bomb our family pics. See? Man before his time….

My Grandfather and Great Grandmother with William Hercules...who is awesome and on the right.

My Grandfather and Great Grandmother with William Hercules…who is awesome and on the right.

 

 

I Wish You Could See What I See

 

I wish you could see what I see
The sun coming up over the horizon winking a bright day ahead
The birds flying in peaceful motion, floating along in the breeze
I wish you could see what I see
The helping hand of a neighbor looking for a lost cat
The song of a child dancing alone along the street while no one watches
I wish you could see what I see
The joy from a struggling student gaining a passing grade
The pain from a mother’s face as she buries her son
I wish you could see what I see
The tumultuous struggle of an insecure person
The quiet confidence of an average girl
I wish you could see what I see
The perfection of the imperfect
The absolute in the power it brings
I wish you could see what I see
The acceptance of different
The compassion of understanding
I wish you could see what I see
The beauty of silent observance
The choice to remain indifferent
I wish you could see what I see
The pain of unintended words
The scars those leave behind
I wish you could see what I see
The smile that stayed forever in a memory
The twinkle of the eyes that betrayed hidden feelings of love
I wish you could see what I see
The ocean’s blue waves crashing the shore
The whispered hiss of the spray against the rocks
I wish you could see what I see
The peaceful end only death can bring
The start of a new day that only a life worth living can give.

sunset

 

Just Don’t Ask Me To Carry the Cake

I live in a place where sunshine is a rare event, so when we do get it, we should declare it a holiday and allow everybody to run around in it, lounge in it, drink in it, barbeque in it, garden in it, walk in it, swim in it and basically enjoy the fuck out of it. Especially the drinking part…especially that. So the sun actually appeared in the sky today and I had to stay at work. Apparently the whole, ‘It’s a  holiday when the sun shines’ isn’t a thing yet. MAKE IT SO, NUMBER ONE!

The impending birthday bash of the century is around the corner in case you were unaware, and my sis-in-law has taken the unfortunate role of delegating a few basic duties to me, which causes grave concern on my part. I have the capacity to fuck shit up without even being on crack…or hammered. So, here is the list of stuff she may or may not want me to do for MOTHER-IN-LAW’S 80TH BIRTHDAY BASH! She may want to revisit a few of these:

1. Getting napkins with the number 80 on them…so, apparently this is a hot commodity these days and I was forced to resist the urge to get the ‘Rockin’ 80’s’ napkins at the Party Place…soooo had them in my hand, but daughter assured me Nanny wouldn’t appreciate ma sense of humor…ugh

2. Cooking. A dangerous task to be assigned… I am, or will be, or may have to be, responsible for cooking a turkey…or 5. Depending on how much I fuck up the other 4 and how many old people will remember to show up for the festivities…should be interesting.
3. Decorating the place where the party will be held which is unknown to me because apparently it’s on a ‘need to know’ basis…not sure how that works with the invited guests…will it be like a scavenger hunt and everybody is given clues to the hidden location and only the ones smart enough to figure it out will actually be in attendance? I’m down with that…half the peeps will end up hanging out at the bar…with me. Nothing like sharing a beer with an old person…

4. Gift for Nanny…since Nanny doesn’t wear jewelry or perfume, that knocks out a lot of gifts. She has knick-knacks beyond knick-knack sensibility and has no need for anything useful like a garlic press…who doesn’t need a garlic press?! Ugh, anyways, this is getting a bit tired so I have to delegate this duty to daughters and son…the garlic press is on its way with the electric knife. BECAUSE EVERYBODY NEEDS AN ELECTRIC KNIFE OTHERWISE HOW WOULD ONE CUT UP THE HOMEMADE BREAD TO MAKE THE BLESSED GARLIC BREAD? See? It all makes sense…

I wish Sis-in-law the best of luck pulling this thing off without me dropping anything, breaking anything or losing any of the gifts en route to the mystery party location…which I will invariably get lost on the way to….
Oh, yeah…there’s wine in this for me, right? RIGHT??!!

80 is the new 70...or something like that.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY...

80 is the new 70…or something like that. HAPPY BIRTHDAY…

 

 

Running Thoughts

Running is mind over matter. Unfortunately for me, my mind takes on a whole other perspective with the true meaning of ‘positive self talk’….
My legs feel like cement blocks
Why am I doing this again?
I shouldn’t have had supper before coming out here.
You should congratulate yourself for even being out here!
Congratulations! Ugh.
Running is hard. Ugh, I just sounded like a tween with an attitude problem. “Oh Ma Gawd…running is so, like, you know, hard and everything?!”
Playing chicken with a semi is scary…kinda.
Was he laughing at me?! Asshole.
Come out here and run with me! Yeah…I thought so.
Ooohhh..pretty…sunshine.
Inclines are small hills designed to piss me off.
I like walking…walking is good.
I must have dissociative disorder ‘cause I just heard a voice yell at me in my head “UMMM…EXCUSE ME! ARE WE WALKING HERE?! ‘CAUSE I DON’T REMEMBER US SAYING WE ARE GOING FOR A WALK! HAS THE PLAN CHANGED?! WALKING??!! REALLY??!!” God, Shut up. She’s not nice. I don’t like her much.
Good thing I try to run, otherwise therapy may not be a bad idea.
How far have I gone? 17 minutes??!! IS THAT ALL??!!
I need new lungs…
Oh, goody another hill/incline/pain in ma ass!
I love downhill…
“Yay, hi yeah running here!” *wave* fuck, I hope I knew that person, otherwise I’m just an asshole waving at random drivers hoping they’ll save me from an impending cardiac arrest…
Oh, look Snow’s Lane. The reason for all of my hate…
OH GAWD, IT’S PERFECT RUNNER DUDE. QUICK! LOOK GOOD BY RUNNING! Oh, Geez are you back again?
I am running…
UGH…NEVER MIND. YOU SUCK…
Hahahaha…if I could laugh like Eddie Murphy, I so would be doing that right now…and, hey Sunshine! I ran…some. Shut up!
Almost home now…
“WE ARE NOT SO ALMOST HOME! WE HAVE THE WHOLE FUCKING LANE TO GO YET, DUMDUM!!!! ARE YOU JUST TRYING TO PISS ME OFF?!! WILL YOU PLEASE GET GOING?! I HAVE STUFF TO DO!!”
I just ran up that hill…
WHADDA YA MEAN?! THAT WASN’T A HILL!! THAT WAS AN ITTY BITTY INCLINE!! MOVE IT GIRLIE!
You know, it would be much better if you spoke nicer…
NICE??!! YOU WANT NICE??!! OKAY…HERE’S NICE. MOVE YOUR ASS BY RUNNING AND STOP WHINING…PLEASE!! THERE. NICE.
That was lovely, thanks.
I SAID PLEASE! MOVE IT!
Okay, okay…geesh. Stop being so cranky…
Oh, look. I’m on Stavangar!
UGH. FINALLY.
………..
OKAY, GO!
Home. Made it. I rock.
YEAH. NICE JOB.
Thanks.
YOU. ARE. WELCOME. NEXT TIME I’M NOT GOING TO BE AS NICE.
I know.
JUST SO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER.
Self talk is supposed to be positive.
I WAS POSITIVE! YOU RAN WHEN I YELLED. POSITIVE RESULTS.
Mmmhmmm….
YOU HUNGRY?
Ugh…
WHAT?!

I think this would be way more fun....

I think this would be way more fun….

 

 

Conversations With….The Dog

Maggie: I shall sit upon your lap and chew on this tasty bone for the next few hours. You are my favoritist human and I shall not be vacated from this spot for any reason whatsoever.
Me: Okay, Mags I need to get up. I have stuff to do. Can’t be lounging around here all day while you chew that nasty looking bone.
Mags: I’ll ignore that last ‘nasty’ remark and remain seated fervently chewing upon said bone. I am your best dog.
Me: Up! Mags, Up! I gotta go. (shoos Maggie from my lap)
Mags: Well! That’s quite rude! I wasn’t finished yet! Oh, wait are you getting food?! I LOVE FOOD!? *jumps wildly around my feet* FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! I WANT FOOD! I’M SO HUNGRY I HAVEN’T EATEN IN LIKE HOURS.
Me: No, Mags I’m not getting any food. Calm down. You have food in your bowl you haven’t touched yet.
Mags: FOOD! FOOD! I LOVE HAMBURGERS! ARE THOSE HAMBURGERS?! THAT’S MY FAVOURITE!!! IS THAT CHEESE! OH HOW I LOVE CHEESE! *jump, jump*
Me: Ugh, Maggie. NO! Stop jumping! Look! I have a ball! *tosses ball down the hall* GO GET IT!!
Mags: OH MY GAWD YOU JUST THREW MY FAVORITIST BALL!! *scurries after the ball and brings it back. Places it at my feet for another throw* Here you go. You lost this. THROW IT AGAIN!!!
Me: Seriously, I have stuff to do. *tosses ball* GO GET IT!
Mags: I GOTTA GET THE BALL!! *retrieves the ball and places it at my feet. Sits staring up at me: Um, here you go! Hehe…waiting here…THROW IT AGAIN!!!
Me: Ugh, Mags. *throws the ball* GO GET IT!!
Mags: I’LL GET IT!! *chases the ball when one of the kids comes in with a friend* YOU! HUMAN! I KNOW YOU! I DO NOT RECOGNIZE OTHER HUMAN WITH YOU! INTRUDER! INTRUDER! I SHALL BARK AND JUMP VICIOUSLY TO SCARE AWAY NASTY INTRUDER!! BARK! BARK! I AM PROTECTING YOU. STAY BACK!
Me: MAGGIE! Shhh…(so doesn’t work) *D2 opens the door and allows friend in to let Maggie have a sniff.
Maggie:*sniff, sniff* BARK! I don’t know you! BARK! You might be a vicious intruder. *sniff, sniff* Hey!! DO YOU HAVE A DOG, TOO??!! *sniff, sniff* I SMELL SOMETHING! DO YOU THINK I’M PRETTY?! MY HUMAN SAYS I’M PRETTY SO I MUST BE. YOU WILL THINK SO TOO. I SMELL BACON!! DO YOU HAVE BACON?! ARE YOU MADE OF BACON??!! I WANT SOME I WANT SOME I WANT SOME!! I think I love you….*follows new friend around the house and sits on her lap* AHH…BACON….
Me: Oh, God…

What?  I'm pretty.  That's all you need to know....

What? I’m pretty. That’s all you need to know….