Tag Archives: wine

Sip Happens: A Journey Through the World of Wine

Posted in Misguided Musings by

            “No poem was ever written by a drinker of water” – Horace.

            Throughout history, wine has been the beverage of choice. Jesus turned water into wine, the gladiators toasted a great murdering beast with wine and royalty from around the world have cellars stocked with the most intriguing, expensive, and rare wines ever made. It’s no wonder people turn to wine as their drink of choice. If it’s good enough for Jesus and murdering gladiators, then who are we to disagree?

            Wine has also made many leery. Purchasing the wrong bottle for that special occasion can throw a chink in the armor of good taste. And when your host opens that cute wine bag you took so long choose, only to pull out a wine they detest or one they can’t pronounce, it can get awkward. “Oh, gee thanks KJ. This crap will go great with those Cheetos over there.”  It happens. It’s hard not to look like an amateur wine connoisseur when there are so many pretty labels out there just begging you to try them. How are you to know which wine is the best for which occasion when yesterday you were just trying to wear pants that fit? It’s a struggle.

            I thought I would list a few words out of the twenty-four I found to describe this lovely beverage to assist with the buying of said wine. We don’t want you to look like a total neanderthal. I mean, I have two words (technically it’s four) in my vocabulary to describe wine. “Good,” and “not-so-good.” There is no such thing as a bad wine. Only bad taste. Let’s dig into a couple of these tenacious terms so we can look a little more sophisticated and not so obtuse when venturing into the liquor store. You. Are. Welcome.

  • Balance – Balance is simple. It is simply when a wine is smooth and harmonious, and not one flavor sticks out among the rest. We all need balance in our lives, so why not let the wine balance us out?
  • Tannins – Tannins basically refer to the drying sensation left in your mouth after drinking. Mainly found in red wine, tannins are naturally occurring compounds found inside grape skins, seeds, and stems. 
  • Terroir – Terroir is a French term which translates to a ‘sense of place.’ It refers to how a particular region’s natural conditions like its climate, soils and terrain affect the taste of the wine.
  • Earthy – While many wines are described as ‘fruit-forward’, an earthy wine will have aromas of wild mushrooms, forest floor and autumn leaves. I love me some autumn leaves. Typically, “earthy” wines include Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot and Pinot Noir.
  • Nose – A nose is just a nose, except in this case. The first step when tasting wine is to smell it. The word ‘nose’ is just the fancy way of describing the scents and aromas of the wine. Also, using the word ‘bouquet’ to describe a combination of aromas in the wine will really impress your guests. Give it a go!

Now, I don’t know all this information off the top of my head, I mean how impressed would you be!  I had help. If you want more of an inside look at wine, I found this wonderful information here. I encourage you to check it out for yourself!

Not to be outdone, I have come up with some wonderful terms of my own that should amaze and delight your friends. Feel free to use at your will:

KJ’s Wine Words

1. Grape-ful Thinking – The optimistic belief that the more grapes you think about while sipping wine, the healthier it becomes. Bonus points if you can name all the grapes in your glass!

2. Merloved It – The feeling of deep affection for a Merlot that surpasses the ordinary liking of wines. You might find yourself writing love letters to that special bottle.

3. Chardonnayway – The classy and graceful exit you make when someone starts criticizing your choice of Chardonnay. Because, let’s be honest, you’ll enjoy your buttery delight Chardonnayway!

4. Somm-thing’s Fishy – The suspicious feeling that the sommelier is recommending the most expensive wine just to see if you’ll flinch. Use this term cautiously when questioning wine choices.

5. Corknosis – The hypnotic state induced by watching someone expertly open a bottle of wine. You’re so mesmerized that you forget you’re waiting to drink the wine.

6. Tannin-tastic – When a wine’s tannins are so bold and robust that you momentarily forget what you were talking about. “This Cabernet is tannin-tastic! Now, what were we saying about aliens?”

7. Zin-derella Story – The magical transformation that occurs when a Zinfandel perfectly complements a dish, turning an ordinary meal into a fairy tale feast.

8. Bubblybloop – The delightful sound that occurs when you accidentally spill a bit of your sparkling wine. It’s not a spill; it’s a celebration!

9. Noirgasm – The overwhelming pleasure experienced when sipping an exceptional Pinot Noir. It’s like a flavor explosion in your mouth, and you might need a moment alone with your glass.

10. Corktastrophe – The disaster that strikes when you break the cork while attempting to open a bottle. It’s okay; just filter out the cork bits, and no one will be the wiser.

Personally, I like mine better. More in tune with the company I keep. Know your audience and all that.  It should be noted that not all wines are created equal and just because the bottle is at a higher price point doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a better tasing wine. I’ve tried twelve-dollar bottles that can rival any thirty-dollar bottle. The taste is with the taster and if you enjoy it, that’s all that really matters.  I’ve been to a couple of wine tasing escapades, one in Tuscany, Italy and I have to say the wine was wonderful. It could have been the history of the family, the region the wine was made, the great company we had and the atmosphere of sipping wine and cheese in a traditional winery that had us giddy with delight. Or the amount of wine we had. We could have stayed all day had they let us.

Next time you venture out to get that special someone a bottle of red, white, or rose, remember your wine words and have fun. Nothing is better than a nice glass or five with your besties and the Cheetos that pair well with that Cab. Enjoy!

Top Ten Ways to Respond to Shitty People

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Let’s face it, not all people are nice or enjoyable to be around. There are times when you are simply going about your business, and someone will come along and try to ruin your perfectly decent day. “Oh, I wouldn’t do it that way,” or “Did you know that putting that there would not please the boss?’ Like no, Debby I had no fucking clue because the BOSS ISN’T EVEN HERE AND WHY DO YOU CARE?  Some folks just can’t help themselves but to make your business, their business. To say that one thing that they know will get under your skin. Here are some helpful tips to put those Nosey Nellies in their places. I hope you can put them to good use.

10. It’s The Way I Was Taught – Beginning any new job, or simply doing the job you’ve been doing for the past twenty years comes with peeps who think they can do it better. When Karen comes along and claims you did something wrong, simply tell her you were taught a new way to do it. Your method is more modern and keeping up with industry standards and maybe she should investigate taking a refresher course because obviously, her method is outdated. And send her along her merry way. You can then send her links to online courses that you didn’t do, but said you did, then she will feel the need to do them. She’ll be occupied for weeks!

9. I Don’t Know What You Are Talking About – Clearly stupefied by the nonsense that is emanating from Doubtful Debby’s mouth, you play the dumb card and simply shrug your shoulders and say, “What report? I did mine last week. Maybe you should go work on yours.” You’re being helpful without outwardly telling her to fuck-off. So kind.

8. Did You Know That Jimmy Buffet Died? – Changing the subject from you to something newsworthy and way more interesting than how you fucked up the last meeting, is a great distracter. A misdirection into some murky gossipy crap you read on the internet will surely illicit a response and take away the attention on you. Well done. And Jimmy Buffet did die, and you need to go play Margaritaville on repeat while drinking a margarita because that’s the only way to honour his memory.

Cheers, Jimmy

7. I Read it Somewhere – A great indifferent statement that’s vague enough to almost hold weight without clearly identifying a source. The answer to everything. Karen will nod and say, “Yeah, where?” to which you respond with, “The Wall Street Journal,” because nobody under the age of seventy reads that shit.  It’s an old journal that only certain business types will even think about being seen with. If she thought you read it there, it’s over her head and she won’t bother to look it up. And if she does, it will take hours of her searching to find it since it doesn’t exist in the first place. A win-win since she’s kept busy doing something stupid, and you get her out of your hair. See? Helpful.

6. Are You Sure You Don’t Remember? – Attacking the innocent seems to be the modus operandi of some individuals. They need to see the meek squirm in their seats while interrogating them to feel superior. They have a self-loathing that only comes from deep-rooted childhood trauma like being picked last for a team in gym class. Put the onus back on the perpetrator of your torture and question their mental faculties. Gaslighting them into thinking they’ve talked about this before like, “Are you sure you don’t remember? We went over this last week. I think you should sit down. Maybe you don’t feel well. You look a little pale.” The power of suggestion will have them feeling their foreheads for fever and thinking they’re about to pass out. Awesome.

5.  That’s Not Your Job – Not a favourite reply of mine, but sometimes people need to be reminded of how limited their reach is. Karen thinks she runs the place, but really, she’s just a control freak with power issues and wants to tell everyone what to do. That’s not your job, Karen. If Karen is the boss, then you are entitled to ponder whether it’s harassment in the workplace to which there are policies in place to protect you. Or there should be. When all else fails, walk out of the room. They can’t speak to you if you’re not there. It’s not running away when you are protecting your well-being.

Buh-Bye

4. Kill Them with Kindness – THEY WILL HATE THAT. Their whole purpose was to bother you and if they see you in a happy-go-lucky mood where you compliment their attire or hair or their accent, or even their crappy shoes you are winning. They will stutter and try another tactic of insulting a project you worked on or even stooping so low as to bring up your kid’s bad behaviour at the restaurant the other night, but don’t let them have the satisfaction. Throw back a, “You’re right, he was acting like an asshole, but we got it under control. By the way, you are rocking that cardigan sweater!” They’ll be shaking their head and wondering why they even bother trying to wreck your day.

3. Baffle Them with Bullshit – The absolute best answer is no answer at all. Like, ever. Debby wants to know why you don’t manage your office like Perfect Patty, or why the report you submitted was late. “Well, Debby do you remember the other day when Jimmy Buffet died, and we had that little gathering in the break room with cake? Oh, my bad, you weren’t invited. Ok, so the other day, Linda wanted to know how to re-attach a chain on her kid’s bike, but the internet was down so then we had to actually do a Pictionary kind of deal with diagrams and charts. It was a thing. Really took up the afternoon after the Buffet cake-episode. People cried and everything. So, it didn’t get the attention it deserved. But maybe we can discuss the effects of micro-managing over coffee where you stop bothering me about shit that doesn’t matter, and we can get on with the important stuff like life. Thanks.”

2. Thank Them for Their Interest in Your Life – They really don’t want the details of your life; they just want you to know they are hovering over you like an annoying housefly you can’t kill. So, give them want they want. Attention. Gratitude. And pile it on.  “Oh, thanks for asking, no I really don’t have time for that, but do you know what my baby did last night? She projectile vomited all over the bed! Such an ordeal. I have pictures, look! Vomit EVERYWHERE!”  or “The dog had diarrhea last night and pooped all over the main floor. We spent hours cleaning that up. Want to see the pictures? Jesus, it was so BAD.”  And ask if they want to participate, like, “My son is having a fundraiser for hockey, and we need volunteers to sit in the cold arena for four hours to sell tickets nobody wants for shit nobody needs. Can I put you down for Saturday morning?” They’ll be too busy to bother with your vomiting kids, incontinent pets, and hockey fundraisers. The. Best.

1. Be the Better Person – I know, it’s not easy taking the high road when someone just tried to drag you down to the dirt but there’s always a reason why a person is shitty. Bad day, bad week, bad life. Trauma plays a big part in how people treat others. You could be on the receiving end of their outrage even if it’s not entirely about you. You don’t have to take their rudeness, but you can choose to be the better person. “I hear what you’re saying, but it’s not my problem. I’m sure we can figure this out, but you will need to tell me more on how I can help you.” Offering help is the one solution they were not counting on. They wanted to vent. Or they wanted to blame someone. Defend yourself, stand your ground but do it in a quiet gentle way. No need to retaliate with rudeness, retaliate with assistance. “You will need to stop being rude. I can help.” Or “If you approach me like that again, I will have to leave.” They don’t want you to leave, they want to pick a fight, or they want attention. Call attention to their rudeness, their abrasive words and turn it around. It may shock them into a more appropriate response. If not, you have every right to tell them to fuck-off and move on. Only after you’ve exhausted being nice and helping. The middle finger is reserved for those who are beyond reaching and who are too far gone to give your precious time.

I hope these tips come in handy the next time someone is being a shithead to you.

Stay kind. Be Positive. Drink Wine.

The End.

European Adventure Episode 3 – You Gonna Drink That? Tuscany is My Motherland

Posted in Misguided Musings, Uncategorized by

            Following our days of hiking up the hills of Cinque Terre and the stairs that led to heaven, only to have to turn around because SOMEBODY went the wrong way, we were able to venture back to the ship virtually unscathed and ready to tackle the next day.

I don’t mean to overshadow our time doing the three towns of Cinque Terre. They were lovely, we shopped, and we climbed, and we ate. All the things one does in Italy. I didn’t want to bore you with, “Well, in this town we climbed a million stairs, climbed upwards among the cliffs, took some pictures then walked down again. The end.” Makes for a lackluster story. Especially since there was no falling, tripping or being thrown from an overcrowded bus. I know, it’s shocking but I really fared quite well. And that’s thanks largely to Hubby and friends who lent arms, elbows, shoulders, and other limbs to assist lest gravity had stepped in to overtake me leaving me to tumble down all the lanes, steps and cliffsides. “Watch out! Rolling Canadian incoming!”  

Cinque Terre and those amazing cliffsides that no one wants to see me roll down!

The following day, we connected with our tour guide Sara who drove us to Pisa and on to Tuscany for some wine tasting.       

            The day was cloudy and rainy which made for a quick trip to Pisa. We ventured around the tower, took the customary, “Oh-no-the-tower-is-falling-let-me-hold-it-up-with-my-little-hand-and-make-it-all-better!” poses, bought a souvenir, and tried to get our own Gene Kelly to do his singin’ in the rain routine, but he wouldn’t bite. Woulda been the best pic.

The tower is peeking around the corner to say, “Bonjourno!”

From there, we ventured into the countryside of Tuscany. To say it was breathtaking is an understatement. We were awed by the lush farmland, the cypress trees lining the drives into the vineyards and the sprawling hills. Amazing scenery.

            We ended up at Palagetto winery which Sara had selected as we wanted something traditional and intimate. Surrounded by greenery, tall trees, and little flowers, it was the perfect country setting for wine and company. We entered the front doors and were greeted by our hostess, Gina (Cannot remember her name, so I invented one. She looked like a Gina to me.) She escorted us to a room off the main where a round table set for seven awaited us. Surrounded by oak barrels full of wine, it was as if we had become a part of the operation and were settling down for a break from a morning’s work.  

            The family tradition has been passed down to the daughter of the owners, Ariana, and at the tender age of 28 she is making her own mark on her parents’ legacy with new wines using new methods. We were treated to both wines, traditional and new, which they served with cheeses and bread and their honey which they also made onsite. We tasted the white wine as well as red. We ate and drank as if we belonged there.  All sumptuous and we had a difficult time tearing ourselves away from the lovely atmosphere. And all that wine. The poor souls among us who weren’t wine drinkers, had to donate their glasses to worthy causes like me…and their spouses, although, how could you not drink that wine? Dude. It was WINE. IN ITALY. That’s like going to a Chinese restaurant and ordering a hamburger. IT’S JUST NOT DONE.

The honey and cheese. Yummm…
Inside the winery with all of that wine…
The reason for my existence. I love Tuscany

            I don’t think I need to elaborate on the enjoyment of the wine tasting. My only regret is that we couldn’t stay longer, like a day or a week. Tented out in the vineyard, maybe? Ugh.

            From there we went on to San Gimignano. A small walled city steeped in a history I can’t remember and fraught with shops and restaurants. The wine was great and probably inhibited me from completely downloading the history of the town into my memory, so you can see a bit of it here.

San Gimignano. The walled city

Sara booked us in a small little hole in the wall off the beaten path for lunch, Il Feudo. It appeared as if it had been a church at one time. The original brick gave the space an antique vibe with the white tables and chairs setting it off nicely. The floor was a grey tile with white pillars seeming to hold up the ceiling. Paintings adorned the walls with built-in coves containing statues which brought the idea of a church basement into view. Quaint and bright with great food, we enjoyed our lunch.  And if you are wondering if I had wine with lunch, do you even know me?! Italy. Tuscany region. Lunch. So much wine, so little time.

So good…

Sara returned to retrieve us, and it was time to head back to the ship. I hated leaving Tuscany and all that wine to just sit there. I mean, can we take a barrel or two with us?

No. No we couldn’t and as dismayed as I was to just LEAVE like that, no farewell toasts, no drunken slurring of That’s Amore, we had to head back sober and with all faculties intact or face the alternative of not getting back on the ship to finish our Italian journey. For me, the debate was real, but I was with other people and hated to have Hubby get on that ship and endure the last few days alone. Without me being there to pester him and entertain him with all my wobbly walking and graceful pratfalls, he would miss me! Maybe.

So ended our Italian Wine Tasting and Touring. I will need to go back as there were way more wineries needing my attention. I need to wander through the vineyards, taste the grapes, pour the wine, and drink my face off. Isn’t that what happens in Tuscany?  We drink, we eat and drink and eat some more? Wander the countryside barefoot in a flowing skirt and large hat in the hot sun, wine glass in hand waiting for the handsome farmhand to…

Wait. Sounds like a new idea for a book. Gina and Tomas, ill-fated lovers who are destined to be together under the Tuscan sun, the only thing standing in their way is the Vineyard overlord who refuses to allow his daughter to marry a lowly farmhand. She boldly decides to strike out on her own. She and Tomas will start a new winery with new methods that will challenge her father and all his traditions…

 OOoohhh…

The gals with Sara, our tour guide extraordinaire.

If you are planning a trip to Italy, I highly recommend a tour guide like Sara. You can book her here. She was very thorough, full of history and a joy to be with!

Ciao!

Top Ten Shitty Things I Did Last Week

Posted in Doggie Diaries, Top Ten by

I’m not sure if I accomplished anything worthwhile besides trying to convince Hubby he should start packing for our trip. We leave in a week. He’s still trying to decide what to wear. And to complicate matters, we are only packing a carry on. For a two-week vacation. Aside from that, I think I managed to clean the main floor of the house and do a half-assed job at making one dinner, but I think I’ll run down my week, if for no other reason, to make you feel better about yourself. Because even if you got out of bed without hurting yourself or disturbing the dog, you had a banner week! Go you!

10. I drank a lot on Friday night in front of company who have never seen me drunk before and now I think I’ve scared them off. Or at least, had them rethinking their options to be in my company for future drinking. I may send them a greeting card apologizing for my ill-timed nodding off and pretending I wasn’t drunk. Is there a card for that? I need a card for that.

9. I took credit for fixing the dog. She had a red swollen mass develop inside her eye. After much debating and Google-ing and asking our breeder’s opinion, we concluded she had cherry eye. Mags is 10 years old, and those things don’t happen in older dogs. Breeder Lady told me how to massage the eye in hopes the mass would pop back into place. (it’s referred to as their third eye and can pop out when poked or injured. Or for no good reason at all, like it feels like making an appearance so go ahead and deal with it, bitch) After massaging the area for a few times on Saturday, we awoke Sunday to find Mags back to normal. For Mags, ‘normal’ is up for debate. I’m taking credit for her return to her original state. And for not panic-dialing the vet and sobbing on the phone that my dog was deformed by an unknown entity.

8. I went shopping with Hubby multiple times only for him to debate the return of all the new clothes to which I eye-rolled. I also witnessed the trying on of every article of clothing he owned to decide if they were worthy of vacation space and drawer space. He ended up culling drawers and forming multiple piles of clothes of which are to be further determined where they should go. A truly enjoyable experience akin to stabbing oneself in the eyes with cocktail forks. Okay, that’s a little over-the-top even for me, but I’ve had better experiences in line at a grocery store. A really long line. Like back to the back of the store line, where someone is still trying to pay with nickels and forgot to pick up the salad dressing, so the cashier makes a pithy call to the stock kid to go find it, to discover that it has sold out, so now there is only the crappy kind left. That line.  

7. I tried to feign my way out of saying I didn’t know something when really, I did know and when asked repeatedly if I knew, I tried to keep up the good fight and say, ‘of course I don’t know!’ until I caved and spilled my guts and confessed, and then it got awkward. Until it didn’t. And the thing I knew was a good thing, but I wasn’t supposed to know the thing, but now I think everyone knows the thing, so now everyone is happy to know. You know?

6. Son requested I send pictures of him when he was young and in hockey. Hubby found some and I got into seeing his face when he was little and then I lamented how fast everyone has grown up and how old I am, which then led to remembering I am a grandmother and then I wanted to day drink. But I resisted and had coffee in my Best Grandmother Ever mug and I felt better.

5. I went to the dentist to have a cleaning, only I couldn’t because I had a hip replacement seven months ago and needed to take antibiotics before having any dental procedure. This information would have been advantageous to know before hijacking daughter to drive me there and back and then to work. Son had the car this week and I’m SOL for independently arriving to appointments and trivial things like work, so payback is awesome when Mommy needs to go to the liquor store at 9am to buy wine!  Drive Daughter, drive!

4. I work in an environment where being quiet is paramount. I had students testing last week and decided I needed lunch. I was returning from heating my soup when I opened the door so expertly stealth, I even surprised myself.  I was congratulating myself on my silent manoeuvres when I dropped a glass jar, sending it crashing against the door causing a loud bang to which I laughed out loud and slammed the door. The soup survived. The students were alerted to my awkward entrance. There. Perfect.

3. Apparently, there was a big hockey game on Saturday night, and it was a nail biter and exciting, except I slept through the entire thing and even when Hubby tried to wake me up to tell me how great it was, I nodded and went back to sleep. I wonder if this is how it will be when a big event suddenly happens like the world is set to explode or a big sale happens at Marshall’s. I’ll say, “yeah, yeah, I’m sleeping here,” and miss the whole thing. Maybe I need an alarm clock that can tell me when I’m missing a big event and slap me into consciousness. Don’t let me sleep through the big Marshall’s sale, please.

2. I’ve been trying to decide what to wear on the plane. Everyone is saying to dress comfortably, but for me that’s sweatpants, a hoodie, and my hair in a ponytail. I don’t think that will cut it going to Europe. Pajama pants? If they’re pretty? Ah, if only I could wear that and my slippers it would take the word ‘comfortable’ to a whole new level. I could take a squish-mallow and my eye mask. A blankie? Ugh. I guess I’ll wear pants.

1. Before Mags came down with an eye from the Zombies of the Apocalypse, I referred to her as an asshole a couple of times. Then when her eyeball looked like it grew a twin, I felt guilty, and that the Universe was punishing me for calling my companion an asshole. She is the one thing in the house with a heartbeat who lives to see me walk through the door and who doesn’t criticize my cooking. And who tolerates my ridiculous need to put a book in front of my face instead of rubbing her belly, like a proper human should. But, in my defense, she was barking at the other dogs in the ‘hood for no good reason. And then promptly shit all over the floor. Asshole. Face it, she was embarrassing the family and I was forced to call her out on it. Now that she has recovered, I feel less like an asshole myself and more like the loving companion she deserves.

Until tomorrow when she barks at the neighbours and shits on the floor. Asshole.

A recovered Mags. Her eye twin has retreated, until I call her an asshole again. Ugh.

Top Ten Tips for a Happy 2021

Posted in Misguided Musings, Top Ten by

With the uptick in COVID-19 cases in our province and the heightened alert of everyone regarding isolations, I think it necessary to concentrate on what we can control. We can control our behaviours, ie, wear a mask and wash our hands. We can also control how we react to situations, ie, restraining the urge to gossip about how cases evolved or how someone was irresponsible with lax protocols. We can also choose to remain positive and upbeat, and maybe spread a smile instead of a virus.

In the spirit of maintaining sanity and spreading joy not disease, I’ve concocted a Top 10 list to lighten your spirit. Or make you drink. Either way, it is a real mood enhancer. Enjoy!

 Now go wash your hands!

Top 10 Tips for a Happy 2021

10.  Last year is so last year – Resist the urge to look into the rear-view mirror with horror-stricken eyes on a year that dragged its ass into your world and ate your last donut. Instead, look ahead to all the possibilities that are laying at your feet. “What, a new brand of wine? How nice!” See?  POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS.

9. You don’t have to visit family, unless you want to – “Uh, I can’t come over, Aunt Martha.  COVID, remember?” Sometimes, it’s better to stay away from family. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, or something like that. Maybe Aunt Martha was nasty to you one too many times, so visiting her can be off the table with no guilt. A GIFT FROM THE UNIVERSE.

8. Outside doesn’t have to be scary- Even in the grips of winter, the outdoors can trigger all kinds of good feelings. Go for a walk in the woods, (not in the creepy woods, but in the nice bright ones with sunshine) snowshoeing (Hubby bought us both a pair to try. Should be interesting) or take the doggo out for a trot. The fresh air will do wonders for your body and your mood. You won’t act like such a twatsicle when someone asks you a simple question, if you’ve just spent half an hour laughing at your neighbour for falling on her ass in the snow. See? I’m helpful.

7.  You can choose to tell, ‘Dry January and February and every other month’ to Fuck-off – It seems to be all the rage, now. People are posting about not drinking for the next few months because everyone consumed copious quantities of alcohol during the initial COVID lockdown and thereafter, BECAUSE IT WAS NECESSARY TO KEEP LIVING.  STOP THE MADNESS. We are still in a pandemic and while I applaud the do-gooders who are keeping themselves ‘dry’ for a cause or just for themselves, I am choosing to drink my face off. I’ll be posting my weekly posts about how much wine I consumed on the weekend. I’m helping to keep the liquor stores stocked and the wine prices lowered while the rest of you ‘dryers’ are abstaining now, so when you do return to drinking, there’s not a shortage. Can you imagine if everyone stopped drinking? The liquor stores would stop ordering supplies, because of lack of sales. People will be laid off. The public would resort to standing outside the liquor stores wondering where all the wine went and why the shelves remain empty. They’ll be brandishing cocktail forks and little paper umbrellas protesting the government and their lack of response to a dire situation…I JUST SAVED ALL OF THAT FROM HAPPENING BECAUSE I KEPT DRINKING. YOU. ARE. WELCOME.

6.  Try something new – It can be a new hobby, a new tv show, a new movie, a new hairstyle, a new spouse…I kid. I kid.  A little bit of change can make a big difference, so embrace the time to try something you’ve always wanted to try. Paint, draw, write, dance; something that’s different and maybe challenges you. I’m going to try drunk snowshoeing. See? Add alcohol and ANYTHING can be fun. See #5.

5. Redecorate – I’m talking rooms in a house, here. I redecorated the front room of our house and although it was a lot of work, it’s one of my favourite places to hang out, now. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you look at it, Hubby has decided to take it one step further by redoing all the floors in all 3 bedrooms on the second floor. With hardwood. Meaning he is responsible for tearing up the carpet, because he wanted to even though SOMEBODY told him not to.  Yay. So, he’ll be tearing up carpet and I’ll be drinking because nothing says, ‘support for Hubby in his new endeavour’ like a wife standing by with a full glass of wine repeatedly reminding him, “I told you not to do that by yourself.”  So much fun!

4. Rest – Sometimes, just taking a day to sit and watch the snow fall or watch a mindless tv program can ease your brain and give yourself a much-needed break. No need to work endlessly or try to keep yourself too busy. There’s such a thing as burning out and you do not need to be everything to everyone all the time. Take it easy. *sip, sip*

3.  Get some exercise – I’m not talking about a marathon or the World Body Building Championship, just move a bit. Go for a walk, take in a yoga class or something to get your heart rate up. You will be surprised how much better your feel afterwards…and, you will have burned enough energy to have that glass of wine. Or five. It’s all about balance, people.

2. Clean up – It’s a large task and one that I abhor. It’s time-consuming and tedious, however, decluttering has advantages beyond a tidy house. The process of purging gives you a sense of purpose. You have a task that keeps you focused on the activity of improving your space. AND, what you decide to toss may still be appropriate for donation. Check with your local Salvation Army or Diabetes Association for their guidelines during COVID. You could be making a big difference in someone else’s life, not just your own.

1. Choose to be happy – I read this somewhere and there’s elegance in its simplicity. You can choose to be happy instead of lamenting the situation you find yourself in. You can choose to smile instead of frowning your way through the day. You can choose to lift someone up with a positive word or a kind gesture instead of begrudging her. It’s simple. And it doesn’t cost anything. A win-win all around.

Those are the tips to keep your spirits up and your mood in-check. When in doubt, there’s wine.

Always.

Stay safe and stay healthy,

KJ xo