Appropriate Signage For Weekend Plans

Aside from the obvious martyrdom I intend to pretend to endure throughout this weekend, I thought I would share my ever-so-exciting-plans.  They include, but are not limited to, the following:

·       * Drinking copious quantities of alcohol while attempting to spell alcohol (it’s difficult even sober. Which I totally am at this moment.  No, really I am.)

·       * Hanging up the print I said I was going to hang up last weekend but didn’t because Hubby was his usual uncooperative self.  And he was busy cleaning out the basement or some foolish sort of thing that has no bearing on me whatsoever.  Yeah.

·        *Start my memoirs…it’s a long and involved project.  I’m planning on a cool title…which is where I am currently stuck.  For the past ten years.  No judging.  Or suggestions of titles like “My Memoirs”.  Also not available are “This Shit Really Happened” or “I Have No Idea How I Got This Way” or “Freud’s An Ass”.  According to Google those titles are all taken.  I know I was disappointed too.

·        *Hammy The Hamster II has subsequently bit the dust, so cleaning out his cage was D1’s responsibility but due to the obvious emotional trauma sustained, I will probably throw the deliciously pink abode ceremoniously into the trash.  And then burn the shit in the backyard and invite the neighbours over for a bonfire.  S’mores anyone??

·        *Harrass the government for grant money so I can live independently in Grand Turk while crafting my memoirs that currently have no title.   Or content.

·        *Harrass my children for their assistance in projects I have no intention of finishing or participating in.

·        *Watch an entire movie without hearing the phrase “WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING THIS FOR?”  The obvious reply “BECAUSE I FUCKING WANT TO” will be taped to my forehead so no verbal response would be necessary.

*The aforementioned “BECAUSE I FUCKING WANT TO”  will be affixed to my forehead for the entire weekend because really, it would avoid pretty much every question that will inevitably float my way.  I suggest the same for everyone.   Maybe I should make some in advance and sell them on ebay….mommies will eat that shit up!  I’ll make millions.  Who needs a reality show?   I’ll just sit home and make signs.

No need for the government grant.  Fuck you, government (grant).     *insert smiley face here*

9 thoughts on “Appropriate Signage For Weekend Plans

  1. Just ditch the word alcohol..and use hood-speak…”This is what happened this weekend when I got my drank on…” (it’s all good)

  2. funny thing about hamsters….they are actually recyclable/disposable pets….buy em for almost nothing….shove food in em for a few years, laugh at their antics, they kick the bucket and you bury them under your wife’s flower garden….from pet to fertilizer…who could ask for any greener than that?

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