Oh Spring, Where Are You?!

Spring is around the corner! That usually implies spring cleaning, a sense of warmth and impending joy at the budding of trees and flowers. Birds chirping, the ground softening, the snow melting. A clearing out of the old winter boots and coats that have been literally hanging around causing clutter and weight. Spring is lighter and brighter and warmer, where winter’s early darkness and heavy skies laden with snow cause coldness to seep in to every pore and floorboard. We feel the need to shed the layers we buried ourselves in during the blanketing of snow and ice; we need to feel the sun’s warmth and the warm breeze hit our faces without freezing our noses off. It’s nice to free ourselves from the weight of winter and head into a lighter sense of blue skies and freedom. Ahh, Spring….WHERE ARE YOU?!

It’s been a long winter and waiting for any sign of a new season is like searching the ground for that valuable that was lost last year. Instinctively, you continue to search for any shimmer of that lost earring or last quarter. The hopeful straining just to see one little glint of hope of what just isn’t there. The snow is finally melting, but the chill in the air still reminds us we are on the edge of winter’s exit. It’s still hanging around for that last hurrah before heading out the door. Hurry up, already. Get ye away! I’ve stashed my boots to the abyss of the under the stairs storage; my winter coat is on its way to the cleaners. I have no want for any of these things anymore, but winter refuses to relent its freezing grasp. Spring is ringing the doorbell, but winter refuses to rise from the couch to answer the damn door.    

The past couple of days have been sunny, giving one a sense of warmth. Until the frosty air hits my face and I remember, IT’S STILL WINTER. Ugh. It snowed on Monday and the morning sun shone on the snow, making a perfect CHRISTMAS CARD moment. It was devastating and lovely at the same time. I’ve been wearing sleeveless tops in a desperate ploy to egg spring on and beat down that winter frost. I’m not sure it’s working. I’m just ending up being cold and downtrodden that my incessant need for warmer temps isn’t enticing enough for spring to rear its golden head.  

I guess I’ll just have to remain patient and steadfast in my belief that sooner or later spring will arrive and my penchant for sleeveless tops and lighter jackets will be rewarded. In the meantime, I’ll sit over here with my blankie and coffee, the heater jacked up to ‘HOLY FUCK HOW COLD ARE YOU ANYWAYS’ temperature, and stare out at the sky waiting for a glimpse of more sun.

Stay warm, peeps….


I’ve Done Nothing Wrong…Again.

I watched Oprah’s Soul Sunday last night. Big mistake. Some lady named Iyanla (?)was on ( I did Google her and she has written a ton of books, is a lawyer and ‘spiritual leader’ and motivational speaker, a life coach and has her own TV show. I have a dog who hates people. You draw your own conclusions there) and the big question was ‘What do you Know for sure?’

Her answer: I know for sure that God loves me and that I have done nothing wrong.
That statement hit me hard.
I almost threw my glass of wine at the TV.
I’ve done nothing wrong.
How many people can say that they’ve done nothing wrong? Ever. Like, never done ANYTHING wrong. Is that even possible?
Like, you never climbed the tree your mother told you not to and then ripped your pants but instead of coming clean, you lied about it then confessed later in a sob-filled snotty cryfest that made your mom say that God was watching and not to lie anymore and you still had ripped pants only then you felt even worse ‘cause God knew you lied and then your mother knew you lied and you just ended up being a big crybaby lying liarface afraid that God will watch you the next time you climb the tree your mother told you not to and then He would be up there nodding His head and writing your name down on some blacklist that says ‘that lying-red-headed kid is going to be trouble’?
Not that that’s ever happened to me personally, I’m just asking.
Is she saying that in a metaphysical existential way, like I can never do anything wrong because no one can judge me, but God? So, ‘being wrong’ is never an actual state of being because nobody can be wrong, because God is God and only He can judge who is right and who is wrong? So, extending that, if you follow the golden rule and follow what God says is right, you can never be wrong?
That sounds a bit over-confident. Maybe even a tad arrogant.
Arrogance is wrong.
Ergo, you are wrong.
According to God.
And me.
I just confused myself. And used the word ‘ergo’…
I didn’t do anything wrong…this time. I think. My pants are still intact. I didn’t climb any trees lately and then lie about it, so. I’m good…
AND THIS is why I shouldn’t watch Oprah.

That's right!  I'm awesome!

That’s right! I’m awesome! And have never done anything wrong, either!