I watched Oprah’s Soul Sunday last night. Big mistake. Some lady named Iyanla (?)was on ( I did Google her and she has written a ton of books, is a lawyer and ‘spiritual leader’ and motivational speaker, a life coach and has her own TV show. I have a dog who hates people. You draw your own conclusions there) and the big question was ‘What do you Know for sure?’

Her answer: I know for sure that God loves me and that I have done nothing wrong.
That statement hit me hard.
I almost threw my glass of wine at the TV.
I’ve done nothing wrong.
How many people can say that they’ve done nothing wrong? Ever. Like, never done ANYTHING wrong. Is that even possible?
Like, you never climbed the tree your mother told you not to and then ripped your pants but instead of coming clean, you lied about it then confessed later in a sob-filled snotty cryfest that made your mom say that God was watching and not to lie anymore and you still had ripped pants only then you felt even worse ‘cause God knew you lied and then your mother knew you lied and you just ended up being a big crybaby lying liarface afraid that God will watch you the next time you climb the tree your mother told you not to and then He would be up there nodding His head and writing your name down on some blacklist that says ‘that lying-red-headed kid is going to be trouble’?
Not that that’s ever happened to me personally, I’m just asking.
Is she saying that in a metaphysical existential way, like I can never do anything wrong because no one can judge me, but God? So, ‘being wrong’ is never an actual state of being because nobody can be wrong, because God is God and only He can judge who is right and who is wrong? So, extending that, if you follow the golden rule and follow what God says is right, you can never be wrong?
That sounds a bit over-confident. Maybe even a tad arrogant.
Arrogance is wrong.
Ergo, you are wrong.
According to God.
And me.
Right?
I just confused myself. And used the word ‘ergo’…
I didn’t do anything wrong…this time. I think. My pants are still intact. I didn’t climb any trees lately and then lie about it, so. I’m good…
AND THIS is why I shouldn’t watch Oprah.

That’s right! I’m awesome! And have never done anything wrong, either!