My phone is possessed. I have dropped it twelve too many times and now it simply does whatever the fuck it wants. Like switching apps at random times. Fading my background to eerie France-like colours that was all in support of Je Suis Charlie last year, but not my choice right now. I like actually being able to view what’s on my home screen. While I’m still a supporter of France (who isn’t? Uh, wine) I don’t think the colors should be fading in and out on my phone. It also has decided to start prank-calling random people on my contact list at very inopportune times of the day. Like 5am. I received a voice mail from the breeder of Mags desperately asking if the dog was all right since I have called her twice and hung up. Apparently, that signals ‘dog emergency’ and she became concerned that Mags had become a crazed victim of rabies, or biting or anti-social behaviour. All of which are more than a possibility, however, I was forced to send breeder a soothing text alighting that Mags was indeed alive and well and, albeit anti-social and a pain in my ass, still fine. Not rabid. Not lost. Not eating shit off the floor…wait. Okay, maybe that last one. I dismissed attempting to tell her my phone called her all by itself…Suuuure it did. Like who would believe a phone can make phone calls all by itself? Next, you’ll tell me there’s an artificial intelligence movement where machines will eventually take over the world and we should be cautious….
I’ve taken to blaming the strange events as the work of Perry the Poltergeist. Icons are being activated without my hand being anywhere near the phone and my home screen scares me. I stare at it waiting for Pennywise from It to appear and scare the beejesus out of me. Seriously. I even had to alert friends on FB assuring them that I was not prank calling at 5:00am and if I ever DID do that, I certainly would have done more than simply hung up. Gawd, do you know me at all?! The very least would have been heavy breathing…then maniacal laughter…I’m liking this idea..
So, if you have fallen victim to my evil phone, I apologize. AND, if you receive a prank call very early in the morning, it wasn’t me…probably. It was that Perry…He can be such a dick sometimes…