Yes, drunk-walking…what? Oh, like you’ve never done that. Stop looking at me like that. It happened to be a lovely summer evening with little breeze and the moon out in full glorious glow. I had a few glasses of wine on my front porch and with Hubby inside watching some soccer match or something that kills all my brain cells just thinking about it, I thought taking Magalicious for a walk before her bed time would be a totally fantastical idea. Yeah.
I learned a few things during this walk. First, I can’t walk straight if I’m drunk.
Second, everything is fucking hilarious. Maggie was walking happily along, or pulling along, and I thought “Oh My Gawd that’s so funny!” The neighbours probs was about to dial 911 when seeing me laughing hysterically at nothing while stumbling behind a 10 pound puppy at 11 o’clock at night.
Third, I was expecting Freddy Krueger to pounce out at me at any given time, so I was ready with my vicious dog all decked out in her bad ass polka-dotted bow.
Yeah. We be bad, yo. I was ready to sick her on his ass as soon as he darted out from the neighbours’ bushes or darkened garage. In my mind, he had a pirate’s accent and would be all “Arrgh, matey’s. What ye be up to this fine evening?” and then show us his Kruger-like fingers with the stabby knives and shit. Maggie would bark and scare him away and we would return home all happy that Freddy got scared of a little girly puppy with a red polka-dotted bow. Awwwww…..
And THIS is why I should not drunk-walk my dog….
13 thoughts on “Things I Learned While Drunk-Walking My Dog”
That’s one ferocious pup. I think I just peed my pants a little.
I know, right? You should see her at puppy school. She’s bad ass and everything. So awesome…
I have no doubt. She looks like a bully.
Actually, it sounds like a lot more fun than sober-walking your dog!
Yeah, especially now that I have to ‘train’ her to walk properly…ugh. I have to do specific crap with a clicker. I’m doing a post about puppy school now. It’s very…school-like. Ugh….
Maggie looks like the perfect guard dog!
She sure is!
What a cool idea. Perhaps I should try drunk walking all three of my dogs at once…thanks for the tip!
That should be interesting….
First of all, I’ve never drunk-walked a dog because I’ve never owned a dog. Meanwhile, gotta love Mags!
Yes, we do!
Let’s hope the SPCA doesn’t read this….
I loved it, though!
What? She was in no imminent danger…kinda. Freddy would have been scared off by all the barking and growling. Hers too! 🙂