Things I Learned While Drunk-Walking My Dog

Yes, drunk-walking…what?  Oh, like you’ve never done that.  Stop looking at me like that.  It happened to be a lovely summer evening with little breeze and the moon out in full glorious glow.  I had a few glasses of wine on my front porch and with Hubby inside watching some soccer match or something that kills all my brain cells just thinking about it, I thought taking Magalicious for a walk before her bed time would be a totally fantastical idea.  Yeah.

I learned a few things during this walk.  First, I can’t walk straight if I’m drunk. 

Second, everything is fucking hilarious.  Maggie was walking happily along, or pulling along, and I thought “Oh My Gawd that’s so funny!”  The neighbours probs was about to dial 911 when seeing me laughing hysterically at nothing while stumbling behind a 10 pound puppy at 11 o’clock at night.

Third, I was expecting Freddy Krueger to pounce out at me at any given time, so I was ready with my vicious dog all decked out in her bad ass polka-dotted bow.

GAH! Get ye away, Matey!

GAH! Get ye away, Matey!

  Yeah.  We be bad, yo.  I was ready to sick her on his ass as soon as he darted out from the neighbours’ bushes or darkened garage.  In my mind, he had a pirate’s accent and would be all “Arrgh, matey’s.  What ye be up to this fine evening?” and then show us his Kruger-like fingers with the stabby knives and shit.  Maggie would bark and scare him away and we would return home all happy that Freddy got scared of a little girly puppy with a red polka-dotted bow.  Awwwww…..

The terrifyingly cute Mags...that bow is scary, people.

The terrifyingly cute Mags…that bow is scary, people.

And THIS  is why I should not drunk-walk my dog….

13 thoughts on “Things I Learned While Drunk-Walking My Dog

    • Yeah, especially now that I have to ‘train’ her to walk properly…ugh. I have to do specific crap with a clicker. I’m doing a post about puppy school now. It’s very…school-like. Ugh….

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