The Santa I Painted…With Gumballs!

What the hell is wrong with Santa?!!  WHAT DID YOU DO TO SANTA?!  WHY IS HIS BEARD SO BIG AND WHAT ARE ALL OF THOSE BALLS DOING AROUND HIS HEAD?!  You sick perv, Santa should not be surrounded by balls! You’re not displaying that anywhere, are you?  ‘Cause that would be wrong…just wrong.

Were you drunk when you painted that?  It looks like somebody on acid came up with all of that glitter and colour and shit.  What the hell?

Honesty is all the rage around ma house these days.   Ugh.

Just a snippet of shit I got thrown at me when I posted ma newest painting of Santa…BizzaroWorld in Colour.  That’s my new title for the piece.  I think it’s appropriate.  Just to be clear…I wasn’t on Crack when I painted that.  Totally sober.  And I really did think it was kinda pretty…until the comments…


In other news, it seems ma ‘hood is staging an intervention for me.  How sweet.  Bring the booze.  Ima gonna need it, yo.  The intervention stems from ma wandering around Pet Smart on the weekend looking for a Christmas dress for Mags, the Wonder Dog, (yeah, I know) when a lovely puppy came up to me for a pet, so I did just that (he was a furry cutey)  then got distracted by all the pretty stuff and then heard, “OH, ITS KJ” and I thought “Fuck, the dog speaks! I’m such a doggy-parent failure” when no, it’s owner, H was there (tethered to Charlie…the peeps that live across the street from me.  Yeah. You can see how ma wandering got me in deep here ) and felt a bit neglected by all of ma mindless rambling and lack of acknowledgement of her presence and so…BANG.  KJ needs an intervention.  Obviously.

I think it goes a bit more than that after the presentation of Santa on Crack painting that led to the whole “KJ has completely lost her marbles and needs help ASAP” but you get the general idea.

I should interject here by saying somebody got a preview of ma post and let’s just say he shouldn’t have been reading it and now he thinks I’m a serious whack job in need of more stringent measures than just a simple ‘intervention’.  Ugh.

Be that as it may, I have some late breaking news.  Hubby, who was scheduled for the infamous knee surgery for Thursday that was rescheduled from Tuesday has now been cancelled once again…for a more inconvenient time at the whim and choosing of the Powers That Be from Eastern Health.  Whilst, ( I so enjoy that makes me sound so British or something) whilst, I enjoyed the latest cancellation due to my not having to drive to Deliverance country on the weekend to deliver son to a hockey tournament in the boonies, I now have to brace myself for the knee surgery to take place at another moment, saaaaayyyyy….CHRISTMAS??!!  Oh, God NOOOOOOOO!!!  MOUNT PEARL CHRISTMAS TOURNAMENT, YO.  NOT GONNA HAPPEN, YO.  You do remember that Mount Pearl is like driving into Satan’s Lair and I REFUSE to drive there on account I get inescapably lost and end up driving in circles…and I can’t get out.  It’s like I’m a little lab mouse and I’m trapped in a maze and some being is looking down at my sorry ass and laughing at me as I try to find my way back to humanity or at least a piece of cheese, but I keep going around and around and around…ugh.  It’s exhausting, really.

  I think if they schedule it for that particular event, I may throw myself from the bridge…any bridge….so I won’t have to drive to that little escapade in torture.

You feel ma pain, right?  Right?

If not…just remember the Santa on Crack painting and all will be restored to it’s natural goodness and order….

You. Are. Welcome.

14 thoughts on “The Santa I Painted…With Gumballs!

  1. Sorry, had to ask what the balls were. I thought you were getting all abstract on us but the pattern had gum balls in it!!!?? Where are you getting these patterns? If you are feeling the need to paint, come to my house I have walls that need painting and I will supply the wine!!!

  2. The trick is to convince them that the solution to whatever they think you need an intervention for is…wait for it…booze!

    Hope the hubby’s knee is dealt with quickly and successfully.

  3. “Whilst I understand your frustration about the knee operation delay, please be assured that we will keep you fully informed about developments on this issue.” This is how our NHS may approach the letter for you guys….. at least there is a whilst in there!

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