We Need A Dumbledore Right Now!

To say that I am dismayed and disheartened by the events in the upcoming U.S. presidential election would be an understatement.  More like appalled, disgusted, throw in some terror-induced exclamations of  “OH MY GAWD WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE!” and then back to disheartened.  I’m on a roller coaster of emotions ranging from broken-hearted to horrified.  AND, I’m not alone.   I’m hoping Canada will respond with some mad wall-building and sarcasm aimed at He Who Shall Be Named Asshole.  Seriously.  How is this even happening?  I’m thinking the Americans must think it’s all a big joke and he will go away with a wave of a Dumbledore hand and his magical wonderful wand.  It’s getting so that every time we look at a news outlet, he is screaming out some obscenity or random idiot remark with a fist raised in ire and terror.  Gee…I seem to remember seeing some shit like this before in history books and news reels from say, 1939-1945???

We need a Dumbledore right now.

Dumbledore

Be gone, He Who Shall Be Named Asshole! 

And with all of the shittiness with the economy and declining oil prices and the stories of horrendous treatment of girls and women in India with another gang rape, and ugh…it goes on and on.  The atrocities of society are starting to outweigh the goodness in all of the media.

We need to turn that around.

Let’s bring some goodness and humanity back into the world.

First, He Who Shall Be Named Asshole must say ‘Adieu’ to the political landscape…I don’t care how, I don’t care where…just go.  And while you’re at it, take all of those people who are called your ‘supporters’ with you.  AND, take the men of India who think women are dirt, down the mountain on a bumpy and ball-slamming ride on a flat inner tube.  AND, take all the murderers, gun-toters, baby killers, puppy-millers, kitten-haters and general dregs of our society down that same mountain in flat inner tubes with the rest of you!  There. That’s better.

Now, the rest of us peace-loving and generally good citizens of the world will do what we do best.  Smile.  Say nice things to make people’s days go better.  Take care of the sick and wounded, help old ladies cross the street, feed the puppies and kittens and the starving children and work for world peace, ‘CAUSE DAMMIT THAT’S WHAT WE ARE SUPPOSED TO DO.

Pug froggies

Because, who doesn’t love puppies dressed as froggies?  WHO?!

Now, if you don’t mind we have a lot of work to do.  So stop distracting us good people with your words of hatred and abominable rhetoric and take off, eh!

My head hurts.

bunny

Cuteness.  You. Are. Welcome

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

An Open Letter To The Bootcamp Newbie

Dear Bootcamp Newbie,

I was you seven months ago.  I know how it is that first day.  You walk in not knowing anyone, not knowing quite what to expect.  You feel awkward and stumble through exercises that are unfamiliar.  You trip up on a Burpee and think everyone saw you and is secretly criticizing.  You forget how to do a dumbbell sit up and you berate yourself for being so idiotic about forgetting such a simple exercise.  Stop it.  Stop thinking we are all watching and criticizing.  Stop thinking we are rating you on your performance.  Stop thinking you are awkward.  Just stop thinking, at all.  Just do.

I was you seven months ago and trust me, NOBODY in that class gives a rat’s ass how you do a Burpee, or how you miss a step when you skip or how jumping makes you nervous…seriously.  I’ve fallen over a box jump, forgotten how to do all the exercises at any given time and DID YOU SEE ME TODAY?!!  FORGOT HOW TO DO A KETTLE BELL SWING.  IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE CLASS?!   Nobody laughed or yelled or called me dumb.  Nobody rolled their eyes or said anything.  I was reminded, in a nice way, how to do the exercise BECAUSE COACH KNOWS I FORGET SHIT ALL OF THE TIME.  It’s okay.    NOBODY is watching you.  We are all concentrating on our own shit to care if you did your kettle bell swing right.  That’s for a Coach to worry about.  Oh, sure we are there to assist if you drop a weight or to laugh with you if you do the wrong order of exercises (been there done everything wrong at least twice), but we are non-judgy.  That’s how it works.

Everybody goes to Bootcamp for their own reasons.  Everybody has a story that you know nothing about.  We all are trying to do the best we can with what we have and make the most out of a great morning class.  Sure, we are a little special for wanting to get up at 5am to exercise, but it works for the most of us.  That’s why we’re there.

I see you eyeing the others and trying to keep up.  Don’t do that.  Keep your eyes on yourself.  This journey is about YOU…not the other fifteen of us trying to keep up with ourselves.  You do what’s right for you…let us worry about us.

We don’t think you’re awkward, or silly or dumb.  We don’t think you need extra help or judge how your technique on that calf raise could use some pointers.  We don’t think about any of that.   We think you are awesome for taking up the challenge of getting up at an ungodly hour of the morning to sweat it out with a bunch of ladies and do squats until you fall down.  In our books, you rock!

So, stop thinking.  Stop thinking about us.  Think about how great you feel after completing a workout.  How the music got you through that last set of squats.  How Coach urged you on after you felt ready to fall over, or how we smiled when it was done and we got through it.  Take a break and pat yourself on the back.  Your journey is just beginning.  Take it and go with it as long as you like.  This is YOUR journey and you can do it.

We have already gone through what you are now.  We already know the journey is worth it.  Keep going.  We believe in you.

Signed,

The Girl On the Other Side of The Room

Chalkboard Burpees

 

Conversations With…The Dog

Me:  Mags, stop eating the sock.

Mags: I love socks.  Socks are heaven.  This one is my precious.  You can’t have it.  STOP LOOKING AT IT.  IT’S MINE.

Me: If you get all paranoid and possessive I will take that from you.

Mags: Oh, no you won’t!  You have to catch me first!

Me: Oh, God.  I’m not chasing you.   This is me walking away.

Mags: Okay, but look at the sock I have.  I’m going to follow you, and jump on you and pee on the floor from how exciting this sock is.

Me:  Ugh, stop being so annoying and PUT DOWN THE DAMNED SOCK!

Mags:  No.  I love the sock.  The sock loves me.  We are inseparable.  We Looooove each other.

Me:  You know the sock is a thing and not a living breathing thing, right?

Mags: Tsk, you doubt my intelligence human.  Now stop bothering me and look at my sock.

Me:  No

Mags: YES! LOOK AT MY SOCK. IT’S A GLORIOUS SOCK!!!

Me: Stop chewing bits off of it and eating it.  You’re going to get digestive problems

Mags: NO, I WON’T!  I LOVE MY SOCK!!!!

Me:  Here look.  Cheerios.  Cheerios are better to eat than socks.   Gawd, I think I said that to one of the kids before….

Mags: WHAT?!   YOU HAVE CHEERIOS?!

Me: Yes, and I’m just going to casually lay them here on the bed so you can eat them…see?

Mags: Hmmm….but, sock though…

Me:  Cheerios, Mags.  Come and have some cheerios…yummmm…

Mags:  Well, maybe just one…

Me: *snatches sock from floor as Mags eats Cheerios*

Mags:  I love Cheerios!

Me:  I know, Mags.  I know….

Maggie 2013

It’s like she’s saying, “Fuck You and give me a sock” but in a cute puppy way…